So I promised to post the now infamous Poop story and so true to my word, here it is (with other crazy additions)...
AK and I had gone swimming at our neighborhood pool. Upon our return, we were both wet, sweaty and happy. I changed her out of her swim diaper and bathing suit and put on the diaper she had on before going to the pool (it was clean and fresh and had been on about 10 min before deciding to go swim). As we all know, the tabs do not stick so well the second time around...this bit of info will be important in a moment.
So Daddy gets home and as always, they play and play and jump and spin and play some more. I then suggested we all go outside so in her diaper, we proceed to the backyard for more play. She slides and swings and climbs as usual and then begins to chase the dogs around the yard. B and I sat in the swing laughing at her. I then look over to her bare bottomed. The second-time-around tabs had given way and like her dogs, our little lady (I use that term loosely) was squatting in the yard tinkling (sorry, I cannot use the "p" word....I guess I am too southern, just a little crass for me),
anywho, we laugh and watch her start chasing again. Then she comes running toward us with "stuff" falling out of her behind. It takes me a few seconds to realize the child is pooping
and running. Now, to paint the most vivid picture I can for you at the hilarity of the moment, I need to tell you that my husband HATES, and I mean HATES anything from the body that is not clean. He is as rugged as any man I have known. He comes in filthy from work, covered head to toe in mud from 4-wheeling,
reeking of deer urine after hunting but there is something about the
dirty things of humans that sends him into orbit. He even gags his face off if he gets a hair, yes a
hair, in his mouth. So anyway, I scream, "SHE IS POOPING!!!!" and start dying laughing. Our dogs are anxiously hovering behind her to do what dogs do and B goes into freak out mode. He yells, "GET HER!" and runs to grab the dogs. At his anxiousness, AK freaks and runs up on the porch, poop still flying. She now notices there is no diaper to catch it and bends down to play in it before I can stop her. Well this
really bothers B and he yells for me to "
GETSOMETHINGTOCLEANITUP!" I run in and grab a roll of paper towels and hand them off as I scoop up my poop covered child and head for the outdoor facet. I
promptly put her under the freezing water as she starts to scream, I now notice that I too am covered in poop. B yells again "
TAKEHERINANDPUTHERINTHETUB!" and while this makes sense to me, I, being the practical housekeeper I am, want to get as much feces off of her before I go dunking her in the very tub that cleans her each night. But B will have none of it and orders me inside. I put her in the tub screaming and flailing (and consequently getting it all over the rug and tub side) and manage to hose her down. I then get bleach and fill the tub up with hot water before placing her back in to REALLY clean. Ridiculous.
Then
today, we are in
AK's closet playing with her awesome bubble machine. I am changing her out of her
pj's and into a clean diaper. She is laying on the floor and before I can catch her, she has grabbed the bubble machine and poured all the bubble solution in her hair and ears. I tried to clean her up but as in all soap based products, the suds got bigger and bigger. I went to start the bath and she takes off for the kitchen. In the time it takes me to walk in our tiny guest bath, pull back the shower curtain and turn on the water, I hear my child fall and start to cry. I run around the corner to see a huge yellow-tinted puddle she is skating on and that she had fallen and
promptly falls again. Now I have urine all over my kitchen floor and a child covered in it and bubble solution. Welcome to
toddlerhood.